I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
