We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
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