end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
