I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
