whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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