i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize