I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
jump out the window naked night went bad
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize