You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
