god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
