there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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