She is in my trunk
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
time to smoke my breakfast
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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