I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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