They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
