i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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