Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
