Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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