Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
