i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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