Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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