i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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