Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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