It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This baby is an asshole
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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