omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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