I am puke
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize