Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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