I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
