So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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