Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
