You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
