Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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