Whod you bang
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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