me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
