On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
