whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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