i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
