matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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