My underwear smells like fireworks.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
