wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
