his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
