mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
