it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
