Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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