I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
