You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
