i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
this hospital has no fireball
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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