my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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