She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
