Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
