Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
In America we eat man semen.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize