and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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