Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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