from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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