Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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