dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize