While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
