If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize