shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
