Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
