You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
