This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
