i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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