He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
