puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
