i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
