ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
