Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
