Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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