if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
